By Mokgopo Tilo Picture: http://www.wisegeek.org
It is everyone’s dream to have a loving partner to have a family and grow up with. It is nice to feel loved by your partner right? Imagine getting gifts in the morning, texts telling you how special you are, and sometimes having romantic lunch/supper outside; mhm, ideal relationship right?
Nonetheless, just when you think everything is going well and that you have found your ‘perfect match,’ you quickly realize that your partner is nothing but a control freak. Firstly he or she will want to know about your whereabouts and completely freak out if you fail to take his or her calls for whatever reasons. And you will know that things are heading for the worst when he or she wants you to report back on every phone call you make. What’s even worse is that you can have a normal phone call. Meaning that you cannot laugh or joke over the phone, hectic isn’t it?
Because controlling partners want to take charge of your life, their first step to accomplishing their goal would then be to get rid of all your friends or family. Even if they don’t get rid of them per se, they will make sure that you never say a word to them about the horrible treatment you receive from them (controlling partners). I mean it is a horrible treatment indeed. Imagine your boyfriend or girlfriend choosing clothes for you. Suppose while shopping with friends, you decide to buy something for yourself, and then when you get home they get annoyed, accuse you of going behind their back and buy clothes they don’t approve of and on top of that, they make you return the clothes. I mean, really? That’s pathetic. So I can’t decide for myself anymore? Who knows, tomorrow I’ll be told what to eat and what not. Such things do happen in real life. Don’t underestimate the extent to which controlling partners can go just to make their power felt.
In many cases, controlling partners (especially men is a conservative, patriarchal society) would want to silence you and suppress your voice. If you try to say something, they’ll freak out and say “I’m the head of the house” and ka se ga gešo ba tla re ga go poo pedi šakeng. Ehe, monna ke wena, etse o kgomo goba motho? Because most women are financially dependent on their husbands, they have no say but to say as their men say.
According to me, a lot of people know that they are in abusive relationships. Imagine your partner who used to spoil you to rotten and all of a sudden he starts to be impatient and call you names. Well, in such a scenario there is no need to call in a Psychology Professor to tell that there is something wrong in the relationship. If that’s the case, people know that they are being abused, why do they continue with controlling partners? There seems to a myriad number of answers to this question but I’m going to touch and move on one factor, FEAR. I think people are entrapped by fear. One of the scariest things on earth is to start over.
I have a lot to say about this topic, but allow me to leave it here, and is now up to you to take the debate further.